The thing about parenting when it's HARD

Life has sort of knocked me on my butt these last few months. Just being real. I'll sum it all up by saying parenting is hard. Not potty training hard...I mean raising teenagers hard. If you have teens I bet you're shaking your head right now. See, I use to say my least favorite part of parenting was potty training. It was the first thing those wiggly little humans really had complete control over and they would do it when they were darn well ready. Yeah, that was kinda hard.

Then they grew up and decided they would make their own decisions. Oy vey! Sometimes those decisions make me stand up and cheer, sometimes they make me cringe and sometimes they make me just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Yep, I've done all three. Good, bad or indifferent, they're learning all decisions have consequences and those consequences never affect just one person. They're learning how to live with consequences and make the best of them.

Me? I'm learning to pray. Oh, I knew how to pray before, or at least I thought I did. The whole "pray without ceasing" thing? It takes on a whole new meaning when your kids decide to find their own way. You wake up praying, pray in the shower, the car, while making dinner and then you fall asleep praying. Repeat daily for the REST OF THEIR LIVES. Yep, it's a whole new dimension of prayer.

Through it all here's what I know to be TRUE: God has a plan for each of our kids. We've known that from the start, but my little Pollyanna outlook had me believing those "plans" would be all rainbows and unicorns. It honestly never occurred to me that in order to fulfill the plans my kids might have to go through a whole lot of junk. Junk that will refine them to do exactly what He has called them to. Oh how that junk hurts my momma heart! We want to protect our kids from pain, but the pain is the sandpaper (or in some cases the sledgehammer) God uses to polish out the imperfections so they will shine for Him.

I may be knocked on my butt, but I don't doubt that God is still in control and working all things together for good. He's like that...faithful when we're faithless, sovereign when we fail and able to see the bigger picture when our eyes are so blurred by tears we can't see what's right in front of us. He'll pick us up, wipe our tears, dust us off and send us right back out there to keep fighting for these amazing kids he's loaned us to raise. 

And he gave us coffee...just one more proof he loves us dearly.

Four reasons Elf will never sit on my shelf

This whole elf on the shelf thing...I'm not a big fan. Not that he's not cute and all. His funny antics can be seen on social media posts throughout the holiday season. People are so clever! He's certainly a naughty little thing, but I can see how his mischievous escapades would delight children and parents alike. Me? I'm not so delighted.

Four reasons Elf will never sit on my shelf:

1. Failure people...failure. 

Every single day of December this whole elf thing would set me up to fail. Coming up with something cute and comical for him to do on a daily basis would leave me completely stressed out. I'm the mom who who rushes in all ninja like seconds before my kids wake up to replace the tooth with the money because I forgot...again. Four kids and Lord knows how many teeth and I STILL forget. After a few days of forgetting to move the little thing I would probably just have to tell the kids that he met with an unfortunate accident and was no longer with us. 

2. He makes a mess! 

I already spend the majority of my life cleaning up after five other people and a dog. Why would I knowingly add another member whose sole job is to make messes and get into trouble? Nope. Not gonna do it.

3. Expectations. 

When our kids were little I came up with this great idea for hiding their Easter baskets. We tied a piece of string to their bedposts and had them follow their colored string to find the hidden surprise. Sounds like fun doesn't it? Well, apparently it was a little too much fun because now they are teens and it is their FAVORITE tradition of the year! Heaven forbid we should miss it. We skipped the year Dad had knee surgery and they've never forgiven us. Do you know how much time it takes to intertwine four skeins of yarn all over the inside AND outside of the house? Trust me...it's a long time. Traditions are great, but just make sure it's one you're willing to continue until the cherubs move out.

4. It doesn't make sense. 

The premise is that Elf is checking up on kids to see if they're being naughty or nice so he can report back to Santa. But from what I can tell most of his antics would certainly fall into the naughty category. So the elf is going with the "do as I say, not as I do" theory of parenting? Nope. It doesn't make sense.

Now don't get me wrong. If you are a parent who has welcomed Elf into your home with open arms then great...kuddos to you. I'm just glad he's busy making messes at your house and not mine because I'm pretty sure if Elf were on my shelf he just might send me over the edge of Christmas sanity. Just bein' real people...just bein' real.

So, is Elf hanging out on your shelf this year?

Stinky feet - a sweet reminder

I was enjoying a lovely Saturday afternoon nap today when my two oldest came blowing in from their Saturday job refereeing flag football. After a brief hello, I drifted off to sleep again. Waking up a bit later I was overcome by the smell of a what I was sure was a long dead animal. What the heck?

Using my amazing motherly powers of investigation and deduction, I began hunting for the source of the horrific scent. It didn't take long to realize it was coming from two pair of teen shoes recently disgarded across the room. Oh, my heavenly heck! Seriously! Grabbing my Costco sized bottle of Febreeze I was able to disarm the smelly bombs before more nostrils were offended. Besides the Bible, large quantities of Febreeze is one of the most essential things a mom of teen boys needs in her arsenal. That's truth ladies.

While the smell may have burned my nose hairs and caused blurry vision, it was also a beautiful reminder of my reality.

My sons are hard workers, getting up early to be at the fields by 8:00 a.m.

They're willing to give up their Saturdays when they'd rather sleep in after a busy week.

 

They're healthy and able to work.

They're growing up and I am blessed to witness it.

 

The may be big and stinky, but that's nothing a hot shower can't fix. More importantly they're really, really amazing young men and that makes the smell totally worth it...as long as I don't run out of Febreeze.

 

 

Parenting - Letting go...just a little

He saunters off, hat on backwards and backpack slung over his shoulder.  As I watch him go I realize a large part of my heart is walking away with him.  My 6'3" son, my baby, started his second semester of college this morning.  I'm really not sure yet how I feel about it all.  Yes, I know we raise them for this moment, but I'm still trying to figure out how we got from birth to this point so quickly.  Where did the time go? Being in the middle of diapers, discipline, temper tantrums and the chaos of little ones, you think these days will never come...but they do. One day you turn around and there in place of your little boy stands a man ready to face the world.

And so with a hug and a lot of prayer I let go...just a little.  So very thankful that when we let go of them, God never will.  He's got this.

Compassion and a chicken sandwich

The kids and I were headed to Chick-fil-A for lunch last week and passed a homeless man on the corner clutching a tattered sign. While munching on our chicken sandwiches a few minutes later, we hatched a plan to buy the man lunch.  Excited, the kids jumped in the car and we headed back to find him.  Pulling up, Connor rolled down the window and said, "Here sir, we bought you some lunch."  For a significant moment their eyes locked  and the man responded, "Thank you son.  God bless you."  As the window quietly slid up, I I saw the tears slip down Connor's cheeks, dripping off the end of his nose.  The kids were moved with compassion and the sudden stark realization of all they have.  My tears were from my mom heart as I watched my prayers for compassionate hearts being played out in front of me.

Living in America with all its blessings can make teaching compassion to our children a difficult thing.  We talk about the poverty in Africa, often when saying something parental like "You'd better eat that dinner.  There are starving children in Africa who have nothing to eat."  Why do we say that?  Probably because our parents said it to us, but what does it mean to our kids?  It's a foreign and abstract concept.  Is it true?  Yes, but until they've looked into the eyes of one of those kids, until they have seen first hand how the majority of the world lives, they can't understand on the level they need to; the level that moves them beyond seeing/hearing to doing.  

As parents we pray for opportunities for our children to see and truly understand;  understand to the point of being moved to DO SOMETHING.  Last week poverty in America took on new meaning for my kids thanks to a chicken sandwich.

Coffee love & my mom heart

Those who know me know my love affair with coffee.  It makes me happy...and keeps me functioning in a way that makes everyone happy.

Over the last few months my 16 year old has also begun to share that love.  We've developed our own little morning ritual of sitting down together over a cuppa joe.  Now this I love even more than coffee. 

Steaming mugs in hand we talk about life, what the Lord's teaching him, his hopes and fears for the future...things that give me insight into the heart of this amazing young man.    I marvel at who he has become, not because of me, but in spite of me.  God's got hold of his heart and he is truly seeking to follow him.  

Often our coffee times spill over into when we should be doing other things, but honestly I don't care.  Chores, school...it'll get done, but the time I have with him is precious.  He'll be starting college classes in the fall and before we know it, he'll be on his own.  The time we have with him will be winding down soon enough and I don't want to miss one second.  So for now I hide these moments in my heart to ponder when he's grown and gone. 

Yes, coffee keeps me going, but coffee with my sweet 16 year old makes my mom heart amazingly happy.

Somebody call 9-1-1

Life can often seem like one emergency after the other.  As a homeschool mom who spends LOTS of time with her kids, there are days I feel like I spend most of that time putting out fires or as I like to say "herding cats".  Honestly though, what constitutes an "emergency"? Are my days filled with real or perceived emergencies?  If you think about it, it's really determined by my perspective.

Think of the last time you got stressed out over something.  Was it really an emergency?  If I'm honest with myself, probably not.  There really are very few true emergencies in life.  So I have ten things on my to-do list today.  What's the worst that will happen if it doesn't all get done?  I've had "mop kitchen floor" on my list for two weeks now.  It hasn't gotten done and to my knowledge nothing terrible has happened as a result.  I'll try to get to it today...I said try, but if I don't, I'm fairly certain the world will not stop spinning or fall of its axis.  Life will go on.  

Why is this important?  How do you respond when you feel stressed and pressured to get things done?  If you're like me you probably get more easily frustrated with your family because they don't feel the same sense of urgency you're feeling (!) and as a result are not moving near as quickly as you need them too!  Ever felt that way? Is what you're trying to accomplish at that moment worth snapping at your kids over? How we handle stress and behave under pressure is how our kids will respond to similar situations.  Talk about a reality check.

So the next time you're feeling stressed and tempted to be a less than happy mommy, stop and ask yourself if what you're facing really is an emergency.  If it is, call 9-1-1.  If it's not, stop, breath and ask the LORD for the strength you need to handle the moments with grace.

Better Homes and Gardens we are NOT

My house was clean...yesterday. 

Today however is a different story.  School books cover just about every flat surface.  My cute fall centerpiece pushed aside on the dining room table is now replaced by the remnants of a science project.  Legos...isn't it always the Legos?...litter the floor.

In years past this would have bothered me - immensely.  I think my post-depression self is a whole lot more laid back about most things.  Thank God for that!  Use to be I couldn't sit down and relax in a room that needed to be picked up.  I've learned that if you prop your feet up and close your eyes, you don't know if it's messy or not!

Seriously though, this is the life of a homeschool family.  We are home together all day.  That's a lot of people around to make messes.  When we're not home, we're running from this practice to that, leaving piles of stuff in our wake.  This is life.  I can let myself get stressed over the fact that things are not always tidy, or I can realize that all too soon the kids will be grown, my time as teacher done and I'll have all the time I want for a tidy home.  In the meantime, I've learned to adjust my expectations, bringing them more in line with my reality.

So yes, my house was clean yesterday.  Sorry you missed it! 

Bring on the noise!

Our house is loud.  We joke, we laugh, we wrestle, we yell back and forth up the stairs.  It's just who we are.  There are days though that I fear I just may crawl out of my skin if I don't get a moment of quiet.  I send them to their rooms for a few minutes of nothingness, but I daresay they even breath loudly!

The kids are all spending the week at the farm with their grandparents.  Did you get that?  All four bambinos are somewhere else for the whole week.  They will come back filled with stories of adventure, loaded up on too much sugar and a little sunburned.  It is the best week of their year. 

So now I have the quiet I craved.  I have as much silence as I want.  I have freedom to do what I want to do, when I want to do it.  Today the only thing on my "to-do" list is getting a pedicure.  Sigh.  It has been a relaxing week, but here's the kicker -it's too quiet.

I cleaned everything on Monday, rearranged some furniture and fluffed the pillows. It's still perfectly clean, nothing out of place.  In the midst of raising crazy, amazing kids I craved a little silence.  I lamented the fact that five minutes after cleaning the kitchen it looked like a scene from Iron Chef.  Now that I have a dose of quiet, I realize the noise and the mess is what makes our home alive.  It's what makes it a home. Those are the stuff of memories. 

I don't think the grass is any greener on the other side of the crazy fence called "life".  It may be a little more quiet and even a bit more tidy, but it can't beat what we've got right here in our little patch of family.

A Mother's Prayer

A friend gave me a card when my first baby was born 14 years ago that I've kept for all these years.  The poem speaks to my heart as a mom and reminds me how quickly the seasons pass.  Though now I'm standing on tiptoes to kiss that "baby" boy rather than bending down to him, it reminds me that every single thing I do is important.  Others may not see, but HE sees. 

A Mother's Prayer

Dear Lord, it's such a hectic day,

With little time to stop and pray.

For life's been anything but calm

Since you called me to be a mom -

Running errands, matching socks,

Building dreams with wooden blocks,

Cooking, cleaning, finding shoes

And other stuff that children lose,

Fitting lids on bottled bugs,

Wiping tears and giving hugs,

A stack of last week's mail to read -

So where' the quiet time I need?

Yet, when I steal a moment, Lord,

Just at the sink or ironing board,

To ask the blessings of Your grace,

I see then, in my small one's face,

That you have blessed me all the while -

And I stoop to kiss that precious smile.

Life of a mom

DEFINITION - Overwhelmed: to overcome completely in mind or feeling.

Dishes to wash

Laundry to attack

Floors to scrub

Beds to make

Piles of stuff to put away

Lessons to plan

Students to teach

Menus to organize

Groceries to buy

Meals to cook

Lost things to find

Children to mold

Discipline to give

Character to train

Sock puppets to make

Sporting practices & games to attend

Marriage to nurture

Friends to help

Leadership to give

Ministry to tend

Prayers to utter

The life of a mom is certainly enough to leave you feeling overwhelmed. How thankful I am to not be relying on my own strength, but on His. Otherwise I might just curl up in a ball and go to sleep!

My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness. So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me. Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quite content with my weakness and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Seriously?

I had one of those parenting moments the other day. You know the ones that make you go "Seriously??? What were you thinking?". Whether not to drink from the milk jug, or how to show compassion and put others before themselves, there are times I look at my kids and wonder if they're getting anything we're trying to teach them.

Then there are the times they blow me away with their maturity - when I see them offering encouragement to a friend on the team who's off their game, or standing up for their siblings in the face of criticism. Those are the things I try to remember when I catch them hiding the casserole in their napkin, or playing on the roof. Those little glimpses give me hope. My prayer is that those glimpses become more of a constant as I watch them grow physically, emotionally and spiritually.

As I stood at my sudsy alter, I wondered if that's how the LORD views me. Does He ever look at me and ask, "Seriously??? What were you thinking?"? Thankfully He knows what I'm thinking; He doesn't even have to ask. He knows my motivation for saying and doing things. He knows me better than I know myself. I'm sure there are times He shakes His head at His little girl and wonders if I'll ever grow up.

I'm just thankful He doesn't give up on me...just like I won't give up on my kids...even when they drink straight out of the milk carton, or hide the casserole in their napkin.

Their growing up daily and hopefully, so am I.

Sink reflections

Our dishwasher's broken. I'm actually quite happy about it in a funny sort of way. It's just a builder grade unit and has never quite cleaned anything. Last time we had it serviced, the repair guy referred to it as a "dish rinser"...it gets off the big chunks, but not much else. If you've eaten at my house in the last three years, don't worry...I didn't give you a dirty plate.

Not sure yet when we'll get it fixed, but I've decided I'm not in too much of a hurry. I informed Connor and Greyson this morning that the dishes would need to be done by hand. The looks on their faces was priceless. I honestly don't think they knew dishes COULD be washed by anything other than a dishwasher, let alone by hand!

Because I had some extra time this morning, I started washing the first load myself. I discovered something about myself in the process - I enjoy washing dishes by hand! Crazy hu? As I sipped my coffee with sudsy hands, I realized that the whole process caused me to slow down. Dare I say it was even a bit relaxing? Don't get me wrong. I enjoy all the wonderful modern day helps we have that make home keeping easier, but these same helps also give us the feeling we can accomplish more or cram more into our day. Doing things the old-fashioned way gave me time to think; to reflect and pray over a sink full of suds.

As I dried my hands and stepped back to admire the counter full of clean dishes, I decided that a broken dishwasher's not such a bad thing after all.

My kids however will probably disagree.

The terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

Monday we started back to school after a three week break. The undecorated tree and piles of boxes still sat in the corner, signaling the end of our leisurely holiday. The kids were dragging their feet, but I put on my best homeschool mom face and soldiered on. By 2:00 p.m. that homeschool mom face had been replaced with my "Forget this! Where's the closest public school??" face. This face has only been seen a handful of times in the last ten years of homeschooling, so you know it's serious.

To top it off, it seemed every homeschool friend I heard from that day was having the best day of their lives. Really? I have a feeling the good ones were the only ones talking about it. The rest, like me, were attempting to keep the house from falling down around their ears and just hang on til bedtime.

God is my Rock. My Fortress. My Deliverer. His amazing mercies pour over me each new day. They are my lifeline. So Monday's bad day doesn't have to turn into a bad week, or a bad month. It's just a day. Tuesday was a little better than Monday and today is better than Tuesday. At this rate, my Friday should be amazing!

And the tree isn't sitting in the corner anymore...that's a good thing.

Saturday morning blog hopping

It's a quiet Saturday morning. The whole house is still sleeping (insert silent cheer) and I am sitting here with my hot cuppa joe catching up on my favorite blogs. The busyness of life seems to leave me little time for blog reading lately, so when I can steal a few minutes I enjoy them even more. Here are a few of my favs for the week.

Kimba at A Soft Place to Land paints an amazing picture of grace that every mom can relate to. It's one of those posts that leaves you wanting to try harder...to do more to be a better mom. Yeah, it's that good.

Jamie at Creating Home reminds us of the beauty of God in a fallen world.

The Nester (you knew she would show up on my list) did an awesome series in October entitled 31 Days: A Beautiful Mess on ways to declutter and "demess" your home, room by room, messy surface by messy surface. See what great things I've been missing around the blogosphere? Thank goodness for archives.

Coffee's done. Time to get back to reality. Hope you'll stop by and say hello to these lovely ladies.

C-a-t spells dog?

If you've ever taught a little one to read you know how exciting and frustrating it can be at the same time. One day they seem to sail through and the very next day they can barely sound out c-a-t. For the teacher it is a lesson in patience to be sure.

As I sat with little Emma today and listened to her struggle to sound out words that just last week she read fluently, I thought about my relationship with scripture. How often do I read something and really "get it", only to stumble on that same principle the next moment? I read and memorize scriptures on patience, only to become impatient with my kids. I meditate on the joy of the LORD, then turn around and grumble. As Emma practices her reading every day, she will become a better reader. As I practice looking more like Jesus every day, I will become more like Him.

I'm so thankful He is patient with me when I stumble. Remembering His patience helps me to be more patient with Emma on those days when c-a-t comes out d-o-g. She'll get there and hopefully, so will I.

Prickles and stings are not good things

Time seems to have a way of sneaking up on you and before you know it you've fallen into a rut you can't get out of. The weight of real, grown-up life presses in and you start to forget what's important.

Lately I've been feeling a whole lot like Katherine Brooke, the spinster woman in Lucy Maud Montgomery's Anne of Green Gables, all "prickles and stings". I actually caught sight of myself today as I passed the mirror and wondered why I looked so grumpy. Hmmm...I certainly wouldn't want to look at that sour face all day and yet that is exactly what my sweet children have to do.

I think instead I'd rather look like Anne (that's Anne with an "e" mind you!). Maybe not in physical appearance, although I do love her red hair. I think I would rather have her disposition; her positive, albeit extremely romanticized outlook on life. Her amazing way of facing the world with enough determination to thwart the worst possible situations. No matter where she goes, her heart always returns to Green Gables, to the people and places dearest to her. Throughout the story, she spends years looking for her ideal life, only to find it was there all along.

It's just that I went looking for my ideals outside of myself. I discovered it's not what the world holds for you, it's what you bring to it. The dreams dearest to my heart are right here.

I haven't been looking elsewhere for my ideal, but I have taken for granted that the dreams dearest to my heart are always right here. It's good to be reminded of that from time to time.

Time to trade in those grumpy old frowns for a smile. It's a beautiful thing to wear don't you think?

God's amazing faithfulness

It's 3:34 p.m. and I.am.exhausted. I feel like I've just been to 8th grade, 6th grade, 3rd grade and Kindergarten all in one day. Oh wait, I have! Though I'm physically drained and my brain circuits somewhat fried, I am excited we were able to accomplish everything on our school schedule today. I honestly can't even think straight to put more than a few words into some semblance of a paragraph, but I wanted to thank God for His amazing faithfulness. He promised to take my meager loaves and fishes and make it into something He could use. That's what He did today and I am grateful.

Now if only He could make dinner for me too...

Eventually

We will eventually find a new church and begin to make
friends. We will eventually find a homeschool group. We will eventually feel like this is home. I’m just thankful God is walking with us through the nows, while we wait on eventually.
blog post from May 2007

I ran across this excerpt from a blog post I had written a month after our move to Texas. How interesting to look back and see how the LORD orchestrated each part of our lives.

We eventually found a wonderful church and built amazing friendships. Though we've now moved on to help start a new church, we know our time there was ordained by the LORD and we are grateful.

As for finding a homeschool group, that part made me laugh out loud. We didn't find one - we inadvertently started our own and the LORD continues to bless with close to 50 families participating. That seriously blows me away. Starting a group was never even on my radar, but apparently it was in His plan. I love it when He works like that.

As for feeling like we're "home"...I know we're right where we are suppose to be and I can say with confidence that yes, He did walk with us through the now, while we waited on eventually.

Top 10 child training tips

I've heard it said that parenting is "the hardest job you'll ever love". I would certainly agree with that summation. I tell my oldest all the time he's our guinea pig and is free to use his college fund for counseling if needed. I'm kidding...sort of.

While I do enjoy reading books on parenting topics, even more helpful is being able to hear from a trusted friend, whether in real life or the blogging world. I love learning from someone who's parenting track record is right there in front of me in the form of their kids. Lisa at The Pennington Point is one of those. I told her just today how I wish I could be a fly on the wall in her home. If you've ever felt that way, take a minute to read her latest post on the top 10 child training tips. She doesn't claim to know it all, but being a mom of nine pretty much gives her the title of "Parenting Professional" in my book!

How about you? What's your greatest child training tip? I'd love to hear it.