Dealing with the aftermath of depression is much like cleaning up after a tornado. The event itself has passed, but you are left with an incredible amount of stuff to sift through.Probably one of the most difficult parts of the clean up process has been the loss of my highly over active self-sufficient nature. My unspoken motto was "Just do it!" and I did. Got a job or a problem that needs fixing? I can do it! I'm your girl. My struggle with depression was one of the first things in my life (maybe THE first) that I couldn't handle on my own. Wow! Does that give you an idea of the level of my self-sufficiency? Depression brought me face to face with reality - HIS reality - the one that says "I can do it through HIS strength".
Letting go and relying solely on HIM has not been easy. Just bein' real here. I find myself procrastinating on things I would normally have tackled easily and attribute it to my new learning curve. The healing process is about relearning to use the gifts and talents He's given me, but in a way that honors Him.
Revelation chapter three has a message for the church at Laodicea. Remember, they were the ones God spit out of his mouth because they were so tepid. They didn't deny Christ and yet they weren't sold out for him either. They had become complacent and self-sufficient, not unlike many of us today. We may be serving in the church, having our daily quiet time and think we're moving along just fine when in reality we are relying solely on our own "I can do it!" attitude and not at all on the power of the Holy Spirit. Self-sufficiency leads to complacency in the things of God. We have to recognize these as tools the enemy uses to neutralize our power and then purpose to make a change.
So the clean up continues. I'm pretty sure the final product will look nothing like my "pre-tornado" self and hopefully more like He created me to be.
Sometimes it takes a tornado to set everything in its place.
I'm pretty sure the final product is going to be beautiful.
ReplyDeleteLove you!
What a beautiful and honest post; thank you for sharing your heart! And I love the "follow me...sure I don't know where I'm going." How true! And oh my, as far as painting tips go...I 've got way too many! Please email me if you've got any specific questions (as I tend to ramble :), and I'd be happy to help! -shaunna :)
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about this post all day. It's so real, so raw. What's interesting is that we spent the day cleaning up fallen trees from a tornado that went through here last night. Because of your post, with each limb I'd think, "This represents a change in me." I couldn't help but wonder what God wanted to do in my heart. Am I trying too hard to hold on where He wants me to let go? Thank you so much for being transparent. I hope the final product looks nothing like my ugly old self. Lisa~
ReplyDeleteAngela, I have dealt with this before myself, and still have to be very careful of exactly what you are talking about. Us highly motivated people tend to do things in our own strength, but I know that God strongly desires us to abide in Him. I now have to deal with the fact that I do not recover well after much activity because of the level I used to live at. Sometimes I have to let it all go and just take a nap and then spend some time asking God what He really wants me to spend time on. I'm with you sister! I so wish we could be closer and get to know each other face to face. It's a privilege to know someone who also wants to seek the Lord and do His will. Love to you! Karen Perkins
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