The boxes are unpacked. The pictures are hung. Life goes on in this new state of "normal". Cross country moves have a way of turning things upside down, sideways and every which way.
I know we are suppose to be here. The LORD made it abundantly clear in many ways and I don't doubt him or his plan. Here's the completely transparent part - my heart doesn't want to be here. There...I said it. His plan is perfect for each of us, but right now it looks NOTHING like my plans. Yes, I'm selfish. My plans would have had us still enjoying life (and the accompanying WARM weather) of Texas. I thought we would raise our kids and grow old enjoying life in the South. Moving was never on my radar. I was home...and apparently a bit too comfortable.
A friend encouraged me this past week with this text. "Don't struggle. Just wait for your feelings to catch up with our obedience."
That nailed it for me! We picked up and moved in obedience to his will, but my heart hasn't had time to process it all or begin to find joy in this new chapter. I know it's there. I know it will come, but in the meantime I'm holding on to his promises knowing his plans are for our good and for his glory.
I'm working on being thankful for today, regardless of what my zip code may be.
I really needed to hear this one!!
ReplyDeleteDear Angela,
ReplyDeleteI went through this in 1994 following losing 5 babies in 4 years. I desperately wanted to be a mother. I felt defective and "less than." I left my marriage for the month of October and planned on ending it b/c by that time I know longer wanted to lose more babies and I was such a mess I thought I should let Paul go-- it wasn't fair to him to be stuck with this failure of a woman. But, God, through a female mentor, spoke to me to remain faithful and devoted to Paul. My heart wasn't in it. In fact, my heart was a chunk of coal. But, obey I did. I prostrated myself before the Lord in desperation and surrendered my pain and self-loathing and begged him for supernatural strength. I also begged for joy in the moments with Paul. I needed to FEEL something; not just KNOW something was right. In March, we conceived hannah. For a long time, I was afraid. I lived guardedly; I held my emotions inside. But, then, she made it. She was the tangible gift that brought immeasurable joy to my life and to our marriage. She was my "reward" for obedience. The Lord calls you to submit to His will for He knows the plan He has for you. I'm right here with ya, Angela, for this journey. Bind your heart in His word and continue to beg for Joy! :) Love you!
Looking forward to seeing what the Lord has in store for you in your new zipcode...
ReplyDelete