One of the things I've not written much about is the physical recovery related to my depression. Of course the first step after waking up and realizing I was deeply depressed was to go see my doctor; my OB-GYN, you know, the ones who are suppose to know everything about the female body? I'll never forget sitting across the desk from him, tears streaming down my face and hearing him say, "I'm not sure what to do. I've never seen anyone so depressed." Um, NOT the words you want to hear from the person you thought could help you. I could write an entire post on why someone like that should not be a doctor, but I'll save it!
After trying a couple of other doctors, I quickly realized I was going to have to fight for my own recovery. My naivety had me believing doctors knew everything. I trusted them to fix me. When they couldn't, I knew I had to become my own advocate.
The problem was doctors looked at me and saw the depression as the problem. They are then trained to fix the problem. Their fix for depression was to subscribe an anti-depressant. As the doctors struggled to find the right medication, I repeatedly tried to tell them the depression was not the problem, but a SYMPTOM of the problem. They were treating it as if it were the culprit rather than the after-math of something bigger. They are trained to prescribe medication...to put band-aids on gushing wounds. I wasn't willing to settle for a band-aid.
Let me stop right here and say there is nothing wrong with anti-depressants. They helped me get to a place where I could function and begin to fight for my own recovery. Having said that, they are not the be-all, end-all for someone suffering from depression, but I'll save that for another post.
My determination, or maybe it was desperation, sent me in search of answers. How is it possible to go to bed one night OK and wake up the next morning in a deep depression? What CAUSED this? What could be done to correct the root problem, not simply medicate the symptom? As I sought answers it quickly became clear that traditional medicine was not going to point me to the right solution.
A year after starting my struggle, I found a certified nurse mid-wife who specialized in natural hormone therapy; someone who listened to my symptoms and within five minutes said, "I know exactly what is causing this and we can fix it." I cried...this time the tears were not from depression, but relief. Hope shown brightly on this very dark place. This was the beginning of my recovery from depression.